like a chalk outline
by xxBurningxx
Summary: The expression, "if you're happy, then I am too," doesn't work for Tora Igarashi, because of all the things that apply to his character, selfish is one of them.


**Story Note: Major spoilers for chapters 76 - 78 in the manga. Light character study on Tora Igarashi's feelings for Misaki, and novelization of certain scenes (_in italics_) taken straight from the series. Rated T for language and_ light _suggestive themes.**

**WARNING: TORA X MISAKI. DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ.**

**Inspired by the songs Chalk Outline and Wake Up by Three Days Grace.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kaichou wa Maid-sama or any lyrics/songs by Three Days Grace. This story is for entertainment purposes only.**

* * *

**like a chalk outline  
**

**by.** _xxBurningxx_

* * *

_You left me here like a chalk outline,  
on the sidewalk waiting for the rain to wash away.  
Wash away.  
You keep coming back to the scene of the crime,  
but the dead can't speak,  
and there's nothing left to say anyway.  
Anyway.  
All you left behind...  
Is a chalk outline._

* * *

He stares at the night sky with a vacant expression, trying to filter the stream of thoughts flowing through his head. The stars twinkle brilliantly against black velvet, glittering almost as though they are taunting him, and he can't help but sigh. It's chilly outside; below freezing actually, but he embraces the sharp bite of the wind because it helps him cling to reality. It prevents him from slipping into the false images and futures that are burned into his head.

He intertwines his hands with a patch of grass below him, fingering each individual blade, his mind wandering to forbidden places without his consent. It's rare that he isn't happy with himself, but for once he curses his fast-paced thinking. Playing through his head are videos of his fingers laced with those of a certain amber-eyed maid's, and-no. He stops himself because he has to quit allowing such visions enter his thoughts. If he goes on like this any longer, he's not sure he can restrain himself.

Running a hand through his hair, he sighs, annoyed with himself and that damn woman. Annoyed with that filthy excuse for "noble-blood". Annoyed with everything that has the bravery to even cross his mind. He doesn't understand how this happened, and just thinking about it gives the poor heir a headache.

Tora Igarashi is not a force to be reckoned with. He gets what he wants whether you give a damn or not, and if something is out of reach, he'll find a way to get it. Or at least he'll find a way to buy it.

Perhaps that's why his heart is in a fumble like this in the first place. Not only is Misaki Ayuzawa reckoning with his forces and wearing his patience thin, but also forcing him to test new waters. She's so close within his grasps, and yet so far away at the same time; it drives him insane. How such a reckless decedent of the Walker family managed to capture her heart will forever remain a mystery to him and he wonders what Takumi has that he doesn't.

(Or perhaps it's what he _doesn't _have that she loves; jealousy, greed, impatience, selfishness are all just things that add to the list of what Tora Igarashi _is_).

His tongue absentmindedly flickers over one of his sharp canines, and he wonders what nibbling at her skin would be like; what kind of elicit sounds he could draw from her...He shakes his head violently, and he can feel the blood rushing to his face at such profound thoughts. She's overriding any coherent idea and he doesn't know what to do; no matter how hard he tries, she's still there, lingering and lacing her way through his head like an unwanted intruder, and he_ doesn't know what to do._

Why was he even helping her?

It's a question he finds himself asking frequently, but an answer still has yet to surface. The obvious choice is there in plain sight, and it's what he's been telling everyone, but he's not sure if he can confirm the truth in such claims. Sending her off to Britain to ensure connections with the Walker family and benefit the Igarashi name...Sure that's all fine and dandy, but he knows it's not the only reason why he agreed to this. Was...Was it really so obvious that even Maki saw through his facade?

Maybe he's helping Misaki because he can't stand seeing her heart being broken. Maybe not.

Her love life isn't his problem, so he shouldn't worry about it. If she wants to chase after the man whom was stupid enough to leave her in the first place, then it's her issue. If she-God dammit why is he doing this to himself? He's so sick of having that woman surrounding his thoughts that it makes him want to hurl. Tora wishes that he could erase her existence from his life, because then at least his heart wouldn't be so god damn confused!

Halting mid-thought...He takes it back. No matter how much he dislikes it, he enjoys the entertainment she provides.

To think, that this actually started out as a game. The fact that something so trivial as seeking some lighthearted amusement escalated into something so...dead serious. At first, he was honestly intrigued by the relationship Usui and Misaki shared. He wanted to see how they would work things out, and he'll admit, it was funny as hell watching as they fought and flirted.

Until he began slipping himself.

Because then it began tugging on his heart-strings. Each and every time he saw them together, he could feel his heart sink a little more, like a rock slowly being chipped and eroded away by the unforgiving forces of nature. He runs his spare hand through his wind-ruffled hair for the umpteenth time, and lets out an airy laugh; thinking about how desperate he sounds right now, with these endless ideas and images running about inside his head.

Tora isn't really sure when he began feeling this way; when the lines of rivalry and love became smudged. For all he knows, it was from as far back as when he forced her to dress in that silly maid outfit, or maybe it was just a slow accumulation of all those glares she'd aimed at him over time. He snickers a little bit; laughs even, because the situation really is quite hilarious. It starts off as a joke, and look at him now! He's sitting outside in freezing weather at three in the morning, and over what? A girl living amongst the lowest class of civilization! Hah!

It's too much. He sighs and throws his face in his hands because he doesn't want to face the world, or his family, or reality, or _just anything. _

He stays like this for a long time, not moving or lifting his face, trying to escape if only for a moment. If he tries hard enough, he can at push her to the outskirts of his brain, but it's never long before she sinks back in, deep within his consciousness. Why can't he just run away from it all? At the very least, Misaki Ayuzawa could recognize the amber-eyed heir as something more than just Miyabigaoka's snobby president.

Somewhere along the line of his thoughts and sitting face-in-hands, he must have drifted off into the dark lands of unconsciousness, because when he opens his eyes, the sun is just peeking over the edge of the horizon, and he's freezing his ass off. Blinking a few times at the shocking view of light, he stands up and yawns. His pants are wet from the dew and humidity that's come to rest on the ground, and he brushes off little bits and pieces of dirt off his clothes.

It's not even seconds before Misaki Ayuzawa is invading his thoughts, and he growls in frustration.

You know what? Maybe this really is what he's been telling everyone in the first place. He'll make sure that the Igarashi name is associated with the Walker family, one of the richest families out there, and he'll make sure that ever last bit of this ridiculous ploy adds to his welfare. Why should he help her when she wasn't even going to acknowledge him for it? He knows that she doesn't give half a mind about him or how he feels, so why should he do the same? He grits his teeth in frustration, glaring at the arising morning sunlight.

If Tora Igarashi can't have her despite his attempts, then well it just damn well isn't worth his time. If-

Mid-thought, Tora is interrupted by a sudden shout of alarm, and he glances up to see one of the many butlers that work in the Igarashi mansion running towards him. He rubs his eyes to make sure he isn't seeing things, and hears the servant say exasperated, "A-ah! Master! We've been searching for you for the past hour; thank goodness we've found you!" The expression on his face with holds concern and annoyance mixed together, and Tora sighs.

"Sorry. I couldn't fall asleep last night so I came out here. Musta drifted off; sorry to worry you guys."

"Ah, it's no issue, really Master, just please try to keep your health in mind; it was very cold outside!"

Tora nods, sighs, and follows the butler to the mansion he calls home.

* * *

_"See, you can dance after all," he tells her softly, the two of them swaying to the soft melodic tune. She blinks at the statement, and he can see the faint tinge of pink blossom on her face. It takes every ounce of his willpower not to smirk at her reaction. She's just too interesting; it's not like he complimented her or anything to that extent._

_"...You know you can dance without muttering the steps to yourself."_

_"Yeah, you're right..." she replies wish a short nod, then hesitates for a moment, and Tora can tell she's debating whether or not to extend the note or not. Apparently deciding to go with the latter, she then continues, faltering in the process because she's not very confident in saying it out loud, "B...But...Isn't this because the dancing partner is good..." Her blush only spreads across her face further, and this time he can't help but allow a large shit-eating grin surface to his face._

_"That's for sure. It's because I'm guiding you perfectly," he tells her, letting his self-absorbed side show itself in all its glory. He then pauses a moment, contemplates it, and then adds, "Well, even so, for a beginner, you're doing pretty well."_

_Her face instantly brightens up at this. "Really!?"_

_The sudden outburst takes him by surprise, and he jumps a little bit. He can feel her grip around his hand tighten._

_"If you're the one who said it, then there's no mistake about it, right!" she exclaims, and this time, it's her turn to smile brightly at him. The blush travels through out her cheeks, and her enlightenment is obviously displayed in her amber-colored eyes. Everything about her expression makes his heart flutter in ways he can't describe, and he stares at her...And something inside him snaps in half, and it hurts more than anything, because he'll never really have a chance up against that damned Takumi, despite his efforts._

_After a few more words are exchanged, he can't help it. He forcefully tilts her chin up, so that she's forced to look him dead-straight in the eyes. She gasps a little, and then waits for him to say something. "Do you understand? The reason why I am helping you is because Usui is a good chess piece to use. It's to connect the Igarashi to the Britain nobles. In other words..You were supposed to be a mere bait..._

_He leans in closer to her face, to emphasize the point if anything else._

_"But I've realized that's regretful."_

_He watches as she jumps and throws herself away from him, confused by his elusive words with a blush splashed across her face, and his heart winces in the most painful of ways...But he still puts on his fake mask because there's nothing else for him to do._

_Regretful..._

_That really is the only way to sum it up._

* * *

_"...If...If it involves Seika's president, Ayuzawa, how far are you going to continue with this connection..?" Maki asks quietly, something resembling concern flashing across his face. The question hits so close to home that it even startles Tora, but he doesn't allow it to show. It's true. Just how long could he survive keeping up a bond with the Walker family if it meant seeing _her _with that bastard all the time?_

_"...It's just like an objection, as if I'm being influenced because she's there, you know?"_

_"I agree."_

_"Well, not that I agree, but allow me to ask..." Maki shifts on his feet, and it's obvious he's troubled by the situation. It's written all over his expression and body language._

_"...I wonder...A reason to refuse or make a move; I've never thought about it," he tells him. Ohh, the way he's lying through his teeth, how it suits him so. Too bad Maki see's right through his facade; at least he doesn't push the matter too far. On the other hand, it wouldn't be a very good idea to get on the Igarashi heir's bad side, now would it?_

_"...You shouldn't...Deny it."  
_

_And then he's gone, departing with soft footsteps. Tora sighs because he knows that Maki is right; he really should listen to what his heart is telling him, but he just can't seem to settle on a way to accept it because he's just too damn stubborn. It doesn't matter either way, really though. _

_With an anvil weighing on his chest, he runs a hand through his hair and sighs because he really doesn't know what he should do._

* * *

_Walking in the room, his eyes fall upon the girl snoozing on the seat. He sighs, approaching her, making sure his footsteps are light so as to not awake her. He takes notice of the little cutout of paper left behind on the table, and for a moment, a small spark of anger hits him at the fact that the two left the girl in the room all by herself with no one to protect her. Idiots._

_"...What a stupid face. To be sleeping in such a defenseless manner. Did she even consider her safety?" he muses to himself. Knowing the reckless girl, she didn't even think twice about falling asleep in someone's home. He laughs inwardly at the simplicity of it and runs a hand through his hair._

_"I should let her know I'm coming..." he mumbles to himself with a smirk, the idea of her shocked expression when he informs her making him chuckle a little bit. _

_Stupid girl; she'll catch a cold if she sleeps in such a chilly room. He removes his uniform over-shirt and places it over the unconscious girl. She snuggles into the shirt, and stirs a bit, mumbling a few quiet words that he can just barely make out. When they register in his mind, a cold claw grips his heart and he stares at her resting form.  
_

_His hand wanders to the tip of hair next to his ear, and he marvels at how soft it is..._

_And then grits his teeth and whips his hand back as though he were bit by a venomous snake. Shaking his head roughly, he stalks off, trying to erase the painful thoughts from his head._

_He doesn't care how loud his footsteps are._

* * *

_"For me to have fun, " he tells her with a smirk, sipping on his tea leisurely. Watching her so upset and flustered is just about the greatest thing ever, so he can't really help himself. He admits that he loves the way she gets all worked up.  
_

_"I've had enough! From now on, I'll do something about it myself!" she yells at him angrily, slamming the door shut behind her. Left in her wake is an awkward silence, until Tora himself bursts out laughing. 'Ahhahhah, she's such a silly girl,' he thinks to himself affectionately, grinning. Maki looks at him, but only sighs because he must know what he's thinking. After a few moments of stomach-turning snickering, Tora wipes the tears from his eyes, and sighs. He knows she'll be back, whether she likes it or not.  
_

_Of course, about an ten minutes later, she's knocking on the door, awkwardly letting herself in. "...No...I mean...I am sorry.." she says as she enters, a heavy weight in her tone._

_Tora smirks, grinning evilly to himself, taking another sip of tea, "'I am very sorry, Master.' Right?"_

_She freezes and glares at him, and his stomach is hurting from containing the laughter that so badly wants to leap from his mouth at this moment.  
_

_"...I am..very sorry..."President Igarashi."_

_He smiles to himself, loving the way his formal name sounds coming from her lips. The way rolls off her tongue so smoothly despite the evil expression she's shooting at him right now. _

_He loves it, and every ounce of him wishes that she'd be saying those words under different circumstances._

* * *

_As Maki leaves to fulfill his orders, Tora glances over at the frozen Misaki, whom should have left already to save Usui because time is short. He stares at her flustered state for a moment before sighing, his emotions getting the better of him while the opportunity presents itself. "...What's wrong? You're scared now? Where has all your vigor gone?"_

_"Huh?" she gasps, looking at him. The look in her eyes makes Tora think of a wild animal trapped in a corner, and it disgusts him almost enough to make him sick to the stomach. She blushes a little and looks down and mumbles, "I'm...Just a bit lost, that's all! Whether...what I'm doing is the right thing or not..."_

_Something about those words; they send fury through out his body. How can she be so...so careless about such things? Shouldn't she know not to toy around with emotion-provoking words? He stares at her while these thoughts take their run through his head, and then sighs. "Are you stupid? Of course what you're doing is wrong, that's for sure. Usui's existence has already become the peoples' "hope". No matter which method was used, many people are happy about the news. And you're here to write off all the news after that."_

_She stares at him as he goes on, an uneasy expression creeping upon her face. He can tells she's unsettled by such words, but he's already on a roll, and there's no stopping him now.  
_

_"...Have you noticed already? No matter how much you struggle, you won't get anything in return," he tells her, and those words come from somewhere deep inside him. "Looking at you being Seika's president, I already knew that you can't overcome this wall. You going out with Usui has a fatal weakness. The brilliant student-council president with a strong sense of responsibility. This perfectly suits you." He advances on her slowly, and she doesn't even notice until she's backed up against the wall. He places an arm next to her head, trapping her so she has no where to run. They're wasting time as the seconds slip on by, but he can't find it in himself to really care. He's selfish like that._

_"Even in love...You wish for others' happiness, sacrificing yourself...And don't choose the path where only you would be happy."_

_She stares at him, and he grins, "In the first place, it's this thing about you I'm interested in." It's true. He doesn't think he'll ever truly understand how she could be so selfless. It really does intrigue him, down to the very particles of his being.  
_

_"...Enough. You think of me as a pet, don't you?" she states nervously, trying to glare at him but not very successfully because of his close proximity._

_"You said that yourself, not that I mind though," he tells her, because the idea of her being his pet in such a fashion actually appeals to him. But then he reconsiders, "...Well, that's not true. Unfortunately, I wouldn't go that far for a pet." _

_He clenches his fists tightly, and he can feel his fingernails digging into the flesh of his palm, but he doesn't really care. "Remember this well..."_

_He leans in close to her face, and whispers, "I see you as a woman, and I like you."_

_Her eyes widen and she stares at him, and it pleases him to see the blush spread across her face like the plague. He smirks at her expression, "If you can't believe me, then I can hug and be affectionate with you right here." He wants to do all those things so badly that he can't express them in words. He wants to kiss her, and he's close enough, if only he could work up enough courage to do so. The want and desire in his chest is so intense that it takes a certain kind of power to restrain his emotions._

_Tora's actually proud of himself for even telling her the truth. He figures that since he doesn't have much time until she's reunited with the man she loves, he might as well let her know...Because perhaps there's some part of him that hopes that she'll change her mind and chose him...But really, he's just humoring himself. When she pushes him away, even though he'd already braced himself for the action, it still hurts in some ways. Almost like a piece of his heart is being ripped away in the process as well._

_But he puts up a fake mask, smiles, and says, "Nice expression you have there..."_

_And so he lets the conversation slip on by, just like the time, because really, he can't bother himself with the impossible._

* * *

_Walking up to the grouped up scene of people curiously, Tora stares in brief horror at the stupid girl standing atop the building steps lightly off the platform, falling to the ground. He rushes over there just as she hits the ground, lifting her up bridal style. He makes sure to act as though he's calm and collected about the situation, but really, his heart is racing at the speed of light. That idiot! How could she ever possibly consider doing something so ridiculously idiotic? She couldn't damn well killed herself!_

_Her eyes shoot open, and she exclaims about something like a bad landing, but he doesn't really register anything at that point until she starts squirming. He tells her not to move, and looks at the cuts on her legs, and he can feel a vein twitching somewhere on his head. And then she's going on about getting to that damned bastard Usui, and he grits his teeth, annoyed at the events taking place before his eyes. He holds her close to his chest. _

_"I say, won't you set her down."_

_His thoughts are interrupted by a loud voice announcing itself from overhead, and Tora can feel Misaki's grip tighten around his shirt in anticipation. He glares at the light-haired man, whom is leaping from the exact same spot as Misaki in a flashy display of doves and ridiculousness. "I don't want you touching her familiarly, I tell you."_

_He seems to literally float down, landing on his feet lightly, "Because Ayuzawa is my maid alone..." _

_The mere sight of everything makes Tora sick, and he already knows what's going to happen. It doesn't make things any less painful. The Igarashi heir watches through glazed eyes at the scene playing before him, going along so as to not make the scenario any worse than it already is. _

_"Well then. Will you return her to me soon?"_

_He was fully expecting the request, and yet the words still strike at his heart. He looks at the girl in his arms and she blushes angrily at everything going on. He's reluctant, but somewhere in that thick skull of Tora Igarashi, something clicks and he puts up his "cool" act despite how much it sends waves of pain throughout his body.  
_

_Grinning, Tora says regretfully, "...I should say, first of all...Thanks for the treat."_

_He hands over Misaki to the stupid bastard, and it feels like he's ripping out a chunk of his heart and handing it over as well. It hurts, more than anything else in the world because Tora knows that's the last chance he'll ever have with that girl. He feels like Usui Takumi just stole something from him and replaced it with a knife straight to his chest, and there's a part of Tora that just wants to take Misaki back into his arms and run. Run away until no one could ever find them. _

_Usui smiles at him, almost knowingly as he takes the girl into his own arms, and if there's anything else in the world that gets to Tora more, it's that god damn smile. He's positive that the bastard understands what he's doing to him; that Usui Takumi is fully aware of how much damage he's dealing. The bastard probably knows how Tora feels, and is savoring every moment of hurting him.  
_

_So much pain, all served with a smile. _

_Perhaps Tora should be happy that Misaki is finally reunited with her lover. Maybe he should be glad because now she would no longer be missing him. _

_Maybe..._

_But Tora Igarashi just isn't that kind of person. _

_He's selfish like that._

* * *

Sitting in the room he rented in Great Britain, Tora stares at the contents of the mug he's holding. Some kind of tea he made for himself hours ago, but it's long since lost its warmth, and now it tastes foul and disgusting. Exactly how he feels. He sighs, runs a hand through his hair, and stares at the lightly placed decor around the room. Fancy. Just how he likes it; how he's lived since birth. Sometimes he wonders what it would be like to live normal, to have a slightly less pampered life.

His mind drifts, wandering to all kinds of places, and the one place that surfaces more often than the others is of course Misaki Ayuzawa.

He knew she would never be his, so he isn't really sure why he even tried in the first place. He shouldn't be so hurt by the events that took place, and yet he can't help it. The more and more he thinks about it, the more upset he is. He wasted a lot of money on this trip, just to have his heart broken. He contemplates whether the few brief scenes between him and her were worth it. The way his heart sends a pang of soreness throughout his body with each pulse, he doesn't really think so.

It really is interesting to him. Like he told her, she always sacrifices herself for others' happiness...And yet, it seems like Tora is the exception to this rule, because even though he told her how he felt, she still chose Usui. She left him behind without a second thought, without even considering his emotions...So maybe she wasn't as selfless as he had originally thought. The idea intrigues him.

Ridiculous.

He grits his teeth, and then stops as the humorous thought crosses his head that he oughtta stop doing that so often otherwise he'll chip one of his fangs. He chuckles sadly, and rubs his forehead.

Whatever. He gives up. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he'd be able to win the heart of Misaki Ayuzawa. Probably not though, so is it even really worth it? Nope. She doesn't know what she's throwing away by neglecting the man on the sidelines. That's fine. Let her see her own mistakes when she's out on the streets. And-

No. He shouldn't think this way. He should be happy for her.

But why? Why should he be happy for the person who ripped his heart in half? He just can't find it in himself to feel anything but slowly growing hatred for the woman. Sure, the feelings he has for her still swim about the upper layer of his thoughts, but that doesn't mean he likes it. He's disgusted with himself for falling for such a stupid girl. She doesn't understand how much of a privilege it is to be liked by someone like himself. So many girls out there would be having heart-attacks if he felt this way about them.

It all feeds into the reasons why he's drawn to her, and he hates himself for it. She'll never be his. Why bother? It hurts him more than anything he's ever done before, but he really sees no other way to win. This time, money can't buy what he wants, and it's a foreign feeling to him...

* * *

But really, waste his time trying for something he knows he can't achieve? Pfft.

He'd rather be heart-broken.

* * *

**A/N: I feel bad for Tora because he's my favorite charater. Chapter 78 made me want to cry...Chapters 76 and 78 made me ship Misaki with him, and now I'm sad. I'm not even sure if I like Usui any more (which is problematic seeing as it's Maid-sama's main ship)...Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my take on Tora's feelings, and novelization of all the TorSaki scenes in the manga.**

**Thanks for reading (even if you don't ship them). Reviews are nice, seeing as I spent quite some time on this story. It came out longer than I thought it would ((that's what she sa-Never mind)) but I'm happy with it anyways.**


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